APhotoContributor

christmas came early.

so did Hanukkah for that matter. dradles and snowmen all in one morning once i checked my messages. 

why?

(photoshopped for effect)

because ... well ... i'm not really proud of violence in any way, shape or form but ... i gotta tell you:  when someone has it coming because of numerous things ... they have it coming.  this on the heels of word that his orange-ness has yet another blog deal which is said to be homogenized. 

every guy i know -- okay there's one who probably hasn't -- has been punched.  i got punched over a wine cooler.  whatever.  stupid.

but when you "out" people with clearly private photos, continually use paparazzi photos clearly meant to hurt someone's feelings, um, and represent yourself as a "real media outlet" ... you probably deserve the punches.  so ... he calls canadian 411 ... which i'm sure is probably faster in mexico ... and is told no one was available to respond.

what does he do next?  he fucking twitters about it? 

whilst i'm happy that many of you have no idea who this piece of shit is ... others know that i'm not a fan.  he's got a such a false sense of entitlement it's nauseating.  listening to him is just as naseating.

watching photographers laugh at him on a red carpet is, however, a nice treat.

anyway ... after the police told him "they have real crimes going on" he tweets.  this donut-eating-cow's primary audience is 26 year old females in either kansas or canada.  both i think.  even though they have no connection to entertainment besides their lust for a new episode of john and kate plus eight and an unhealthy obsession with fucking vampires and the horribly untalented jonas-fucking-brothers ... they feel a connection through their long-lost sister, old orange mean fatty.

has kristen bell, who is beyond sweet, done anything mean to you, you fucking piece of shit?

because of his tremendous self-hate he draws penises on people, gives them photoshopped shit piles beneath them, faux-cocaine dots on their noses ... he sits around in his cute little bathrobe and cackles whilst drawing this shit.

his said audience eats it up and leaves hundreds of comments a day.

those 26 year olds are really what's wrong with the world, though.  they empower that piece of shit.

i remember back in the day when i said "why the fuck do you steal photos?  your site wouldn't be shit without photos.  no one would read even a sentence of your site without our exclusive photos." 

he's sneer back "everyone does it; why am i any different?  i'm just blogging."

he knew that was as much of a lie as what he accuses will.i.am. of doing on his own blog.

not only that ... but ... when is being gay a bad thing?  i love my gay friends.  whenever i've said "you're so gay" it's never been in a derogatory context.  i've had gay friends say to me "you're so gay."  what-the-fuck-ever.

i gotta tell you, though, i've never ever heard someone who's gay say "you're a faggot" in a mean hateful way.  the way his orangeness said that about will.i.am.  if you champion yourself for equal rights and pick on beauty queens for their heart-felt views, aren't you a bit of a fucking hypocrite?

aren't you?

i've never seen anyone refer to someone as what he said in such a self-hating mean way.  you can see that he really does hate himself for being something he's not quite comfortable with being.  is that perhaps why he always wants to out people?  perhaps that's why he tries and make young girls feel bad about themselves.

it's fucking sad.

i've pretty much gotten over the fact he used to steal so much of my work.  what's funny is that he knows i can't stand him.  he's asked certain publicists to not use me.  they still did, though.  it's sad to me that other shooters who've had their work ripped for totally commercial purposes and ran and hosted his server in eastern europe ... will still shoot when they know he's the end-client.  where are your principals?  i wouldn't shoot this piece of shit if you paid me 10 day rates.

okay ... i remember about a year and a half ago a client told me to shoot him and i laughed.  he asked "where are the photos of perez?" which i shot back "i think the camera had problems; looks like they weren't on the card when i got back."  i may or may not have shot him but somehow the photos were never syndicated.  ooops.  sorry.

hmm.

go figure.

there's no way i would help promote "his celebrity" because publicists, managers and the talent, if they're nice to him at all, is because they're using him for his pageviews.  i don't know anyone who admits to actually liking him as a person save one person but i beleive they're paid to like him.

i hope he looses his gay audience for being so self-hateful.

and look where that got him ... an 11 minute crying plea to his audience of 26 year old looser-chicks.  how many of them do you think have the same thing going on that kristen bell had going on in that one photo of her?  i'll be the percentage is quite fucking high.

what's funny to me is that someone like him with his new-found money which was built upon a foundation of self-hate and copyright theft ... actually said something to someone -- words can be just as hurtful as a punch -- who did something about it.

okay.  enough.  i'll take my giddy-ass to a movie with j to celebrate.

did you know that wank gets as many pageviews as nikon, by the way?  swear.  not only that but they run in parity sometimes.  crazy.  wank's not happy, today, though.  somehow the state of california is gonna do what north carolina did with internet sales.  whatever.  no sales tax break any more.  good while it lasted.  sites who support their bullshit by affilate percentages are fucked.  that, as it would appear by his pezez-esque manifesto, pisses him off.

seriously, they're almost the same.  one caters to self-esteem-challenged canadian females and the other to old fuckers who jerk off on their gear all day yet find time to search for "tasteful nudes."  of which ... did some amazing dof example work today.  amazing, man.

i'll bet no one that guy supposedly taught photography ... has ever made it ... or even made a decent photo. ;)

i know.

hateful.

whatever.

i'll leave you with allison from antm12.

dunno if i like her more here... perhaps. off to see "away we go."

there's one person who's gonna think i'm a dick for writing this about the fat meanie.  bro, sorry, you know why i don't like him.  he's a thief.  i still like you, though.

hope you're all well.

cheers from the most amazingly temperate l.a. one could ever ask for.

-chris

swine cold.

dunno what it is really, though.  if i did ever get the swine flu, i'd get so much shit from certain people.

whatever.

as much as the mucous-laden sleep was fun i really think this cough is rad.  love-love-love it. 

seems as though -- after looking at lotsa scans and other photos in aperture -- that i walked around a lot in the last few weeks.

even though the clown was "cool" clowns are still as creepy as someone selling ice cream close to an elementary school who looks like someone you could swear was on megan's list.  fact.

olvera street is such a trip.  i honestly wonder how much of the curios are actually made in mexico.

mp/nocti/apx 25.

was down there doing a job for a publicist.  it had to do with bullfighting.  swear.

j loves papping marionettes with the toy camera app.  actually, i love it, too.

not papping marionettes, though.

just the app.

homeboy was really into his harp.  i'd never seen a harp down there, though.  mariachis? hells-yeah but harps?  not so much.

not sure which frame i like more, though.

whatever.  it's my column i can do whatever the fuck i want. ;)

oh, yeah, congrats to my little friend cha-cha on becoming a street gd at dA.  have fun with the notes concerning amazing wolves with human faces playing some odd game. ;)

more of the creepy clown but now he has friends.  wish everyone could see these photos big-big-big but this is the internet so ... no.  and no ... you fake-vignetters on flickr ... that vignetting is the natural vignetting one gets with fast glass during the day.

fast means one-four, not two-eight.

unless you're a frustrated nat-geo motherfucker.

more on that later. ;)

this dude stands out there every saturday.  not sure how a mouse head, which may be a purloined chuck e. cheese rat head, has anything to do with a flea market.

but j found some stuff to look at.  pretty sure she bought the one on the left. :)

i just thought this one was funny.  shot through the window of a second-hand furniture place.

my friend laith came back to los angeles as well!  :)

off topic:  i really don't understand why 60,000 would wait to see the fucking lakers with another 80,000+ waiting for them at the coliseum.  think the lakers really care?

i don't.

quiet contemplation yet i don't think he was waiting for a bus if memory serves.

i think this may be my favourite frame.

a nice afternoon kiss.

not quite a kiss.  i like the fact the spotlight is perfectly focused on the rearview mirror and lighting the fuck out of homeboy's face.

our neighborhood is very interesting.  not sure what she was going through but she didn't see me.  then again, my camera is pretty damn quiet.

love shooting at night with fast glass and film.

this little guy was rescued by a couple in west hollywood.  he was found roaming the streets of las vegas.  poor little thing.  this is not a breed that likes to be without their guardians.  happy he's happy now.  he doesn't like other dogs much, which is not very breed standard.  i think he should get to know other cav's.  they have a very specific energy which is cav-centric.

yes, i like cav's.

not the team.

i don't like basketball.

it's a fucking waste of time.

almost like suburban golf.

no, she didn't make the putt.

that's mario with his "personal camera," an fm2 with the zeiss 50/1.4 zf.  yes, it used to be mine but when he borrowed it he didn't want to give it back.  fine by me.  i like to see a nice camera in capable hands. :)

he won the stoicism award for the day.  for sure.

not sure why they were pointing. happy little guy.

elevators are fun.

so is a suburban sandwich place.

whist watching faux-news aka fox news. ;)

seen a lot of that action lately.

scratcher madness.

and i think the juxtaposition of these frames is odd...

scratcher. cash.  hmm.

she's got an amazing taco stand, though.

corners are pretty amazing places.  i think.

fuji neopan.  dunno.  i kinda think i like delta 400 more.

i like this frame as well but i'm unsure why i like it. 

now that i think about it -- and having been reminded, of course -- there's a bunch of b/w stuff i shot up in portland.  hmm...

there are already 50+ selects for this entry, perhaps they will have their own.  perhaps.

although i almost took the m8.2 and the 24/1.4 summilux to mexico, i opted not to.  probably could have but i didn't.  in fact, i didn't even take my beloved mp down there, i opted for the m6 ttl.  i still took the 24 summilux, though. ;)

ex-pats enjoying the Caribbean!

coconut harvest so gringo guests don't get concussions.

i still think he should have shimmied up the tree without the aid of a ladder.

 

they still fish with nets.  who knew.

tulum was really pretty.  besides the bugs ... had a great time.

he wasn't very happy.  the lighting was a surefire flashlight. ;)

i shot almost an entire wedding with the 45/2.8 TS lens.  i loved hearing "i can do the same thing in light room."

ok.

this said by someone who was shooting a 70-200/2.8 on a tripod in the dark ... in a wedding reception.

even though i wasn't the official photographer i was tired of seeing "the official guy" miss moment after important moment ... so ... i stepped up. ;)

i asked "wanna use a faster lens?"

"what's a stop gonna do for me?"

"two stops, bro.  2.8.  2.0.  1.4.  two stops."

i move my monitor over to him and say "it could probably do this for you."

he didn't talk to me again.

not that i cared.

future brides:  do not hire a stock photographer or nat geo guy to shoot your wedding.  fact.

;)

there's a huge difference between "waiting around" for a lion to come into frame and anticipating when moments happen.

you're much better served hiring a photojournalist.

a real one.

landscape guys shoot wedding like this. ;)

i think flickr's deal with getty and the micro stock sites have really cut into traditional stock shooter's work. 

not that wank could even get repped by "dollar-per-usage" agencies.

enough spitting of venom.

although i've been to roman ruins, never seen any -- besides some chumash ones -- on my own continent.  actually, they were pretty damn impressive.

i know he wishes he was big enough to eat "those little humans."  what a view to sun yourself by, though, right?  lucky lizard.

they made killer pepitas or tortas.  dunno the difference.  i know i like them though,  they're like mexican philly cheese steaks.

sleepy town of tulum.  mexico lost to el salvador that night and i saw no form of rioting.

stupid l.a. basketball fans.

was amazed how much i was actually able to shoot unnoticed with the big 5dm2.

converted in aperture to monochrome.

didn't convert this one. 

or this one.

j liked "the colours."  she was right.

she also wants to be the next "croc hunter" of sorts.

when she's not having a woman-monkey experience, of course...

i love the zeiss-for-canon glass ... absolutely kicks the shit out of mostly-dogshit canon glass. ;)

seriously, if you haven't been to tulum -- you can skip cancun -- you have to see it.  the food is great and not expensive.  there's tons of tequila and beer.  the people are amazing.

you appreciate it when you get back to the "capital of douchebags" which is los angeles.  actually, it's only the capital when the calabasas and orange county residents come here on the weekends to shop. ;)

you can always tell:  who the fuck drives hummers?

m8.2 with 24/1.4 summilux.  i like that expensive piece of glass.  and ... it's perfect -- for me, at least -- for someone who likes to shoot with 35mm lenses due to the 1.3 crop factor.

like that frame.

but not as much as this one. ;)

welcome to silver lake.

last time i was using the m8 (not the m8.2) was with a 28/2.0 summicron and it just didn't have the field of view i liked from my uncropped mp with the 35/1.4 summilux.

we're dog-sitting for a friend. 

he doesn't mind except for his free-feeding schedule is off.

poor spaniel.

you can tell he's very upset.  75/2.0 summicron. 

making human condition photos digitally is such a different feeling.  honestly, though, i'm kind of liking it.

happy that the 24 is so damn fast! 

i could have shot this with a tripod and the 70-200/2.8, though, right?

i mean if wank said that's how he shot a wedding i'm sure there'd be a bevy of wannabe-wanks doing the same thing. ;)

we didn't wait around for "his set" as we were done eating.  we've actually had to sit through his set before and ... well ... my ears hurt.

not the same kind of hurt that dj a.m. puts my ears through.  just wanna be clear.

mexican elvis never makes my ears hurt but the restaurant where he plays has played a part in making my stomach hurt like a motherfucker.

okay ... gotta get some lunch.  then i gotta shoot.  shoot tomorrow as well.  and ... doing some b-roll for the follow-up to the street thing i did back in the day.

hope you're all well.

cheers from the now-sunny and typical l.a., l.a.!

-chris