computers are stupid.

i mean unless they're made by apple, of course.  or unless they're programmed by the numbnuts engineers at acquine.  i was happy to get an email reminding me of how bad these dumb motherf****** are.  last week i'm sure j was tired of hearing me sigh heavily and curse at these people.  they say they have a program which grades aesthetical quality of photos.  so f****** stupid.  i put in slew of photos by hcb.  he averaged like 23 or some shit.  i then put in some nice erwitts.  he didn't fare much better.  i put in some steven maisels.  yeah, 'bout the same.

the only people this comes close to impressing are the landscape-dreamers who jerk off on their hoardes of equipment when they think of "their mind's eye" shooting landscapes in denali.  they also probably read wank and the onlinephotowannabe.

thanks for reminding me karsten.  your letter to the head douchebag was ace.

what else?  besides canon ...

i'll backtrack.  i don't use canon service; they're too slow; i have plenty of backup gear.  my guy says "what the fuck is that oily shit on the sensors of your mark 3's?"

"fuck if i know."

it's not like i shoot on porno sets.

not that if you did you'd get fucking oily residue anywhere but your face, right?

anyway ... canon comes out and says their mirror tend to squirt oil.

great job guys!

you fucked up auto-focusing with the mark 3's ...

and a lot of people switched to nikon!

well-played.

they actually did do something i knew was coming ... we can now control aspects that are kind of important for shooting video!!!!  very happy about that. i was gonna buy the fd adapter so i could force aperture.  now ... i don't have to.

when's the 24p firmware option coming?  i know at least one person who claims to have been granted a camera that can do it.  dunno.

had a very nice coffee with my friends justin and frank the other afternoon.  we sat and papped normal people on the street.  guess that could also be called street photography. ;)

looking forward to laith coming to l.a. for a nice extended period of time.

we can work on our "visual summer project." 

won't say what that will be.  i will say that canon has made it much easier to shoot with the upcoming firmware! :)

get to hang with sev this july, too.

still can't believe those jackasses thought a computer could judge aesthetics.  i'll bet the only high marks are for those "test photos" done by the jackass who thinks he can shoot but doesn't show many of his own photos.  yeah, mr. online, you know who you are. ;)

i just love the fucking people on the web who think their opinions are the holy-fucking-grail when if they really knew their shit they'd be repped, syndicated or getting assignments.  don't think online-guy could say that nor the wank, even though he claims to spend a lot of time in "his studio."

no doubt shooting poor kids and puppies with f/22 light.  of course.

i mean ... who wouldn't, right?

also ... kinda liking fuji neopan 400.  not bad at all.  scans up nice, too.  i mean ... that's a good thing because i actually print like less than 1% of what i shoot on film. 

guess a roll got shot halfway-through and then shelved and then shot again.  the look on that girl's face is fucking priceless. 

the two dudes in the center said "did you take a picture of me?"

"ché? io?  ché cosa scemo?"

yeah ... i yell back at people in italian.

i was shooting the kid in the backpack.

whilst ... i went out for a stroll with spyed...

he's on some world tour.  looks like it's going well.  good for him.

if you could see it on the big apple cinema screen, you could see a photographer looking at her phone across the street on the red carpet.  that was her looking at my text. ;)

taxi-fucking-drivers and tourists freak me out.

lonely hollywood boulevard at magic hour ...

unless you're a grip and you call it "tragic hour." ;)

one of my favourite quotes by one of my favourite people.

wider-than-usual, eh?  yep.  it's that new rangefinder-coupled voigtlander 15/4.5.  usually gandy lets me keep shit for a month or so.  the last lenses shade met a wall and i think he got pissed off. ;)

sorry, man.

working photographers bang their shit.

masturbating-web-writers think about working as a photographer and then reality hits them in the face because they have as much talent as the bag i pick up my dog's shit with.  fucking prepositions.  hate ending with them but ... whatever.

at least i put a link to gandy's site even though he doesn't have an affiliate program ... unlike other people.  inside joke there.

all kidding aside .. that lens is very nice.  really nice.

leaned in, too.

with a whisper-quiet m -- unlike you dslr-street-guys -- you don't need a long lens to really shoot. ;)

that and homeboy was deaf.

or some shit.

my subie mechanic hard at fucking work. ;)

my car needed a motul change.

i don't say oil.

motul kicks ass.

that motherfucker is cagey.  i've tried to get a shot of this guy and his fruit stand for years.

finally.

i'd rather no one knew i was making a photo.

unlike those who shoot dslrs and call themselves street guys. ;)

i love getting the defensive emails when i write shit like that.  it makes me laugh.

almost as much as the ones i get from the people who say "so what if you're repped."

if you have to ask, you just don't know. ;)

go sell to shutterstock.com; i'm sure you'll make a fuckload of €'s.

then again, i think i've seen better than what you do on shutterstock. ;)

dunno why but i really like photos of people selecting food.

not as much as bald heads on planes but ... well ... ya' know.

i really feel for blind people, too.  yes, i actually feel.  swear.

could you imagine what it must be like to have to relearn so many things should you become blind later in life?  damn.

chi-chi's eye popped out this past weekend.

no, we don't have a pirate-patch-wearing-chihuahua; she's fine.

fucking horror show.

that background tripped me out.

fucking, eh i have a lot of photos in airports goddamnit.

and of vegas for that matter.  such a trip that place.  if you haven't been, you have to see it one time in your life.

where the boobs are large ...

and ed hardy shirts reign.

speaking of ed hardy and douchebags.  he used to be a model believe it or not. ;)

sorry, brother, couldn't resist. ;)

homeboy was deep-in-thought.

i think he had yellow-fever and was thinking about the 20-something hostess.

people can't get enough of these fuckers.

i have a secret machine.  it's like an atm.  truth.

i hope the pilot isn't texting "fuck, i'm so fucking depressed today."

that would suck.

j was meditating.

;)

i think the hanging clothes were hungry.

we took a walk down one of the douche-y-est streets in one of the douche-y-est parts of l.a., which is the westside but doesn't include venice. ;)

body language is everything.

an unfinished tower at caesars.  i hear they skinned it so it looks completed even though they won't be completing it any time soon.

funny that people don't want to throw money away on $500 tables and buy $1000 bottles of vodka you can buy at bevmo for $20. 

funny how the economy works.

i think she thought there was food at the top of the stairs.

for sure.

she's so beautiful.  and ... she's like bff with m ...




both such attentive sitters. ;)

i mean it's not like there was a treat hanging out on the lens shade of the zeiss 85/1.4.  canon glass is such dogshit compared to the zeiss glass.  wish i didn't have to ever use one of their shitty zooms again.  ;)

how about one more photo of a sweet spaniel? 



wanna see the setup?  okay ... two, then...

some nice super soft bead board on a pair of lips.  had some nice roscoe 216 on the windows with a nice china silk 24x48 scrim.

fuck that strobist bullshit.  go buy some good grip gear and learn about "wrapping light" instead of jerking off on your little specular fucking flash gear. ;)

but i'm sure some nice alien bees look just as cool. ;)

i love dogs.

then again, most of you know that.

i just thought that shoe looked so small as compared to the sidewalk.

and ... there really is more gum on sidewalks than i would have ever thought.  never really looked. ;)

pissed off wank one more time:  check.
pissed off the onlinewannabe:  check.
made fun of that stupid-ass-aesthetic checker:  check.
pissed off the strobists: check.
pissed off those who aren't repped:  check.

yeah, my job is done here.

hope you're all very well.

cheers from the too-good-to-be-true-weather l.a.!

p.s., i kinda miss snarky tags.

Comments

[carlos larios]

Ooooohhhhh!!! You are gonna get it! LOL!!

Douchbag? Fucker. I might be to most people, but not to few;)

Great job in taken a stupid photo of me. ha!!
I do look like a douchbag. ha!! No Ed hardy thou. Never the shite.

Cool blog, except for that photo of me;)

Peace.

[matt jan]

I love the word 'Fannypack'

Check dis
http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/12/14/the-beauty-of-street-photography/

[Thorsten Overgaard]

Love that Hollywood Boulevard shot of the magic hour. When is that, morning or evening (looks like morning).

Your wrapping light set-up is interesting. You should post it to Flickr or Facebook and tag each item so I can steal all of it. That's one great thing about grip-town (Hollywood); all that knowledge about gear and light.

Should I ever have a PA, it would be a light man ;-) to paint the light for me.

But man, you're sour old bitch ;-) to read.

[cassiephotojones]

f22..... Oh, my :/ I don't think I've gone above f5 in... i dunno; frightening.

Don't worry, the people who matter or think they matter and agree with you, like you for your snarkiness and negativity, bald airplane photos and street :)

We all knew you had feelings deep down...

+ the photo of Carlos is priceless!

Ciao

[C Weeks]

@model-turned-designer/photographer-carlos: hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahsah!

when did you get rid of the ed hardy stuff?

[C Weeks]

@matt: that's pretty damn cool, man. thanks for sharing the link.

did i use the word fanny pack?

[C Weeks]

@thorsten: believe it or not it was evening. i was kinda shocked. i don't see the sunrise often.

there's grip equipment in every country! we do have a lot of it in l.a., tho. if people just bought some stands, arms and a few other things they could do way better than what i see them doing with flash/strobe.

angry? come on ... you know me better than that.

i think you're older than me. ;)

[matt jan]

No I dont htink so but you wear (used to?) one dont you?
I dunno why, sometimes when I read a blog of yours the word fanny pack pops into mind. Yes that's strange.
Great photos as usual sir. Thanks for reminding me what I need to do this weekend.

[C Weeks]

@cassie: don't get me wrong ... there've been situations where my iso wouldn't go low and the sync speeds were too low (e.g., d1 nikon) and i had to shoot at f/16 or f/22 just to avoid blowing out my exposure.

i wasn't shooting dogs or babies, though. most of the time it was like the oscars or some other bullshit day event. ;)

thank you for agreeing. :)

deep. very deep. they don't like to surface much. ;)

carlos is generally priceless. ;)

hope the raman treated you well.

[Marcus]

Hey Chris, are you going to be having a play with that Voigt 50 f1.1 when it comes out? Any chance of a bit of a review like you did with the Voigt 35 f1.4? I'd love to hear your opinions.

[Sam Oksner]

I tried that software as well, the jumping man by HCB got a 2.8 the first time i tried it, it got a 26 the second time. Random number generator. Out of curiosity, i showed it 100% black image, score: 86!

Nice shot with the new 15mm, will you get to try the new CV 50mm f1.1? It probably won't have the beautiful look of the Noct, but it looks like a nice lens none the less.

Per your advice, i went out and bought some ZF glass (the 50/1.4) and i am in LOVE! It's not the sharpest lens in the world, I'm sure some pixel peerer will say that it's 0.0002 degrees less sharp.. bla bla bla. The zeiss glass renders like nothing else and it's just stunning on efke 25 ASA!

Love that shot of the legs sticking out from the dry cleaning, it takes quite an eye to pick up on that stuff as one walks by. Great shot of M too, some windows with a bit of fill is all one needs.

The shot of the shoe is interesting because it sort of breaks all the rules. In the middle, a bit too small, but it works well, and the lines in the concrete are just enough to bring the eye in.

Can't wait to mess around with a freind's 5D MkII when the firmware gets out. Manual aperture, shutter speed and ISO. No more ND filters and locking exposure... Should be just about perfect now

Great post

Sam

[C Weeks]

@matt: i use this waist bag. it's made by northface and not meant for photo gear but ... i get two flashes, two lenses, spare batteries, cf cards and my car keys in it.

it's a funny fucking word for sure.

perhaps we should all switch to vests? ;)

[C Weeks]

@marcus: dunno if gandy will cough one up given the abuse i may have given his 28/2.0? something like that. forgot what lens it was. i don't recall it scraping anything.

that said, i'm sure i'll get a go with it. looking forward to it, not that i need-need one. my nocti has a look i like.

[C Weeks]

@sam: the kid jumping got a 23 for me. i think this may be a joke and just using a random number generator, actually.

love the fact you loaded a black image and got such a high score!

i'm sure gandy will let me check out a one-one for a bit. i'll probably have to promise to be nice to it, though. ;)

happy you like the zeiss glass; it's amazing.

yeah, i have an ocd-observant eye. always nice to see you got-it-got-it when the scans come back!

always break photographic rules. always.

the 5d will definitely be perfect when they come out with the 24p tweak and the mike tweak.

glad you enjoyed the post, mate!

[peter]

inspiring as always chris
just saw this article linking to your gig on
sp by rudy rucker

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/05/27/street-photography.html

I have to open ever posting to check muck
that's taken up by the sensor on the D5 which
pisses me off no end if this is oil would
the cleaners eventually be reformulated if
it can't be fixed

I'll be doing a fata and 'coming to la' at some
point don't know when yet

[C Weeks]

@peter: thanks, man! just saw that link. didn't come up on my google alerts though. odd.

can't believe that oil. fucking canon.

happy you were inspired, mate.

[ZaBong]

The link to my letter to the douches of Acquine is here:

http://lookforlight.tumblr.com/post/114188600/an-open-letter-to-the-inventors-of-acquine

To put things in perspective: I have never written such a letter before. My blood is still boiling.

[matt jan]

Canon is a bit of a squirter hey... Kinky.
Fannypack also another name for a$$ $ex...

Vests, nah man, I'm bringing back cargo pants, fat knee pockets make my waist look slimmer.

I just roll (in an ironic post modern sense, because I'm white) with the most boring plain black canvas satchel, with a coat or shirt over the top.
http://www.manhattanportage.com/catalog/Messenger-Bags/Vintage-Messenger/193

Reckon the Zeiss 50 one-four is worth investing in? I just bought an old school Cannon 50 one four for a fifth the price... And I've got a 35 cron. Any other lenses you'd suggest trying/buying?

[Pat!]

"pissed off wank one more time: check.
pissed off the onlinewannabe: check.
made fun of that stupid-ass-aesthetic checker: check.
pissed off the strobists: check.
pissed off those who aren't repped: check.

yeah, my job is done here."

LOL!!!

[dan]

I'm in love with how film renders the tones inside shops.
The one of the lady picking out food, and the one of Mario and the guy in the resturant thinking.
It's stunning.
Nice photos though. Happy to hear you didn't pick on us art students!
Ha maybe next time.
The one of those window cleaners was my favourite.
And didn't you post those first two on an earlier blog?
Adios!

[Ajovah]

Shit, i dont know what to say...great photos as always.
Really like the dark feel of those 2 pictures you took with the Voigtländer and ofcourse that sweet spaniel photo is so adorable.
So yeah, cool.
Post again soon and take care man!

[elinor]

i would expect any program written to gauge "aesthetics" to be written with a certain audience in mind, and that audience wouldn't be aesthetes. put a popular da photograph into it, and i'll bet it will score high! kinkade paintings are wildly popular. this is the way of the world. ;-)

[Eric Boe]

So, when are you going to shoot a roll with that old Hawkeye and bulb flash in the upper left corner of the dog studio shot? If I had more money & time and less sense, it would be strangely appealing to use one of the old Kodak box cameras as a shell for a digital. Let the poundsworthy (a UK phrase I heard once for a rent-a-cop) freak out over my old Brownie 620.

I'll agree, Gandy is pretty cool. Ask him if you can borrow his MP. Not the new one, the old one. If he hands that one to you, you know you're cool with him. I couldn't believe he brought it to the Carson show last year. Damn camera is probably worth as much as my used vette.

So, as a good friend once advised, go fog some halides.

[Fred]

I give you the third highest rated photo on acquine: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3142/2398594440_93aa0c2b8a_o.jpg

Fucking brilliant! Keep speaking the truth good Sir!

[Darren Abate]

Software that grades your photos? That is at the very top of my stupid shit list, right above Bratz and Myspace.